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Birthday surprise

Wednesday, July 09, 2008


One day a woman met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up eating beans.

Some months later, on her birthday, her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the countryside, she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed by a small diner and the smell of baked beans was more than she could stand.

With miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home, so she stopped at the dinner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, she made sure that she released all the gas. Upon her arrival, her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the dinner table. She took a seat and just as he was about to remove her blindfold, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.

She took her napkin from her lap and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, she ripped off three more. The stink was worse than stinking cabbage. Keeping her ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, she quickly fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with herself. Her face must have been the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.

He asked her if she had peeked through the blindfold, and she assured him she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!" she nearly died!


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"i am nothing special of this i am sure. i am a common man with common thoughts and i've led a common life. there are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. but i've loved someone with all my heart and soul. and to me, this has always been enough."

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